Wednesday, August 31, 2011
+ Specialist +
Today I visited CGH for my specialist appointment. MY gastric problem. I went there with bui bui and waited for quite some time. Went in and consulted the professor. His decision for me is to do a scope and a blood test. So when I heard the blood test. My face changed. And the moment I steped out of the room, I cried and asked bui bui if I can leave. He was very nice. He accompanied me thruout n kept coaxing me to do the test.
He went out to get something and it was my turn for the blood extraction. My first reaction was where is he. Den he ran up as the receptionist brought me to the room to get my blood taken. I struggled there for 15 mins (approx) After that we went Vivo to realise no more Yorkie and went bugis for steamboat with many weird stares. Coz we were the only ones eating.
Went to play billard and tried a new arcade game. So fun. I had a good day today. Except for the hospital trip. Next week is the killer. X(
PikA*nChi @ 8/31/2011 09:48:00 PM
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Thursday, July 14, 2011
+ Toughest day +
Today is one of the toughest day for me. If i survive thru. I'll grow stronger. The day is going to end. I can feel the despair and no signs of hope in me. I dun wanna cry anymore. I wanna stand up.
PikA*nChi @ 7/14/2011 09:31:00 PM
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Saturday, July 09, 2011
+ Failing relationship +
I'm in tis emotional & physical tumoil right now. My health have gotten so bad that I have to rely on gastric medicine everyday. AFter every meal I feel like vomiting and I cry every day.
My boyfriend don't love me anymore. I believe all he wants is his freedom now. He no longer cares about me, Whether did I eat, am I sleeping well, feeling well. For the past 3.5 years, I've put in a lot of effort. From being reluctant to putting in 101%.
I was reluctant because I knew relationship should start slow and gradually progress. But I was given a lot of confident and encouragement because he gave me his all. He gave me the courage to continue giving and forgetting about being hurt one day.
He is not handsome, not well built, not educated, not well off. Just a very very average guy. Everyonetold me I can find a better one. But I always tell myself. He treats me so nice. All those superficial things doesn't matter.
I dun mind him being less sweet, but still hope he care. I dun need expensive presents, just a hand made one will do. I just want things to go back. Where he still cares, still loves, still treats me as someone in his life.
I dunno wat went wrong. He changed. All the promises he made, all the times we shared. We went thru so much together. And he was always the one who wun give up, who held on to me. But now, he is letting go. Leaving me all alone. To face these mess he got me into.
Honestly, I've became so ugly, skinny, unhealthy, low self esteem. I have totally no confident in myself. And i dunno who can help me. I dun want tis rship to end. I really dun want
PikA*nChi @ 7/09/2011 01:08:00 PM
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Thursday, May 26, 2011
+ Headache +
Today i skipped work and went to the doctor. My tonsil is swollen again so i'm having chronic cough and i seriously couldnt feel the pain until the doctr pressed my throat. She also said I slimmed down alot. I'm 41.7kg now. So yar...
She didn't comment anything about my headache nor did i tell her my constant backache. Seriously, I hope I die now. Dun have to suffer all the physical and emotional pains. I'm weak. So what? Dun tell me you are always so strong.
And I hate to see Yahoo Messenger on my laptop. I didn't install it. Fuck off.
PikA*nChi @ 5/26/2011 08:55:00 PM
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Saturday, May 21, 2011
+ My wasted day +
My saturday was wasted because someone suddnely bad mood and he claims it's because of me. Den 2 week later he going to PS me again cause his so caled buddy wedding n invite only him n not the girlfriend. Fucked up people.
Have no respect for me. What for I put my ego down for him. Really.
Today i only had one meal. I dare not request for nice food, dare not request for shopping trips. I'm burying myself so deeply that I've lost it. I dunno who am I. I duno what true happiness is. I lost that beautiful smile that smiles from deep under.
All is that I dun want him to be unhappy, I dun dare to speak. I'm sad or feeling down, I dare not tell.
For months, near year, he haven't read this blog. I'm really very disappointed. I took a gamble to try n salvage. And eventually only he is happy. I have no place in his heart. I can no longer throw temper, no longer be coaxed. I have lost all priviledge and my status is as low as trash.
I'm no one anymore. Only I beg, he give. He no longer beg, or give in. I'm as low as a servant just to please him. I'm unhappy I cannot sound out. My deepest thoughts and feelings, he wun know or understand, I can only swollow all this by myself
PikA*nChi @ 5/21/2011 10:06:00 PM
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+ It breaks my heart +
Be it whether this blog has zero readers or what.. I still wanna blog about it.
In my world of friends, there are some I pay a lot of attention to, some I pray for good endings, some I hope karma won't befall.
THis friend of mine, I cherish him a lot. In my eyes he is a typical guy yet nice enough for me to jump to his defence when someone smear his name or what so ever. We've known each other for quite long and he suddenly disappeared from my life. It could be my own wishful thinking but I feel that our relationship is rather complicated. Honestly, I would have fallen for him if we spend more time together. Bui bui wouldn't be my boyfriend if he was nicer to me. Sadly, we ain't fated.
Still, I treat him as my best friend and pray for his wellbeing. Ever since I got attached, he disappeared. I really dunno what happened. But still, I wanna get back this friendship.
The world is very small. Even though we didnt contact each other, we are inter-linked. Recently, I heard of a news about him, rather bad. I felt that he wasn't given a choice. It's not that he is irresponsible. But maybe because he wasn't ready. Yet he had to shoulder all this. I wish I could desuade him yet we have drifted so far apart that actually, I'm not really in a position to judge. I can only share with him what I know.
Personally I think that he shouldnt end up this way. If he was all ready to accept, I'm fine with it. But it seem like he was forced to accept cause he did reject at the start. But due to circumstances, he had to go with it.
Now that he is under preparation, I could only sit and watch him as he move on to another stage of his life. Honestly, I really miss him. I wish him all the best and hope that everything turns out fine.
PikA*nChi @ 5/21/2011 12:57:00 AM
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Monday, May 16, 2011
+ All 4 papers +
This year i conquered all 4 papers by attending all of them. Halfway through th examination period, I wanted to give some papers up but in the end I persevered. Luckily bui bui was there to encourage me, telling me not to give up.
He let me study at his house which is much more condusive den my own house. Now I just hope I can pass all subjects and dun waste his effort and all the "luck" my friends lend me. =)
And my phone went hay wire. So now no phone.. =(
I wanna have an enjoyable day tml.
PikA*nChi @ 5/16/2011 08:10:00 PM
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
+ 42 months and counting +
Today is 42nd monthsary. We went for seafood on sunday and i bought him a byford boxer.
I've been hanging out at nana recently and I'm a little addicted to Tae & Peter. But both are gone already.
I also went out with JL, Mich and Charlotte for the past one month.
And now I'm panicking about exams.
Ok.. I need to revise. Bye
PikA*nChi @ 4/19/2011 08:33:00 PM
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