+ How should i feel and react? +
Today supposed to meet Bui Bui. I skipped my prelims because I dun have the mood to go. Wanted to spend more time with him. But he was very tired. So tired that he wanted to cab down. I wanted him to save the $$ so I suggested that we meet tml instead.
The thing is tml he will be celebrating his birthday with his mother and grandma. So I felt that it was a family thing. So I told him I felt weird going over. Den he told me he will be tired tml coz he meeting Cynthia, his godsister. So in the end his mum invited her over for dinner. Before I knew, I suggested going over. (I felt so thick skinned asking) but he kept saying it's ok. Meet today. But what I felt is him knowing that the dinner is no longer a family affair, still rejected me when I say I'll go over and join for dinner.
It's ok coz it's godsis. But the thing is it's no longer a family celebration, but he didn't invite me over. Even I self invite, he also reject. So how exactly should I feel.
These few days I have been telling him that I hong sim bf. Meaning I miss him. So I wish if he can, he can meet me or spend time with me. But because of family stuff, he wasn't really able to. Every time I tell him that, I just wanted to tell him I miss him. I managed to cheer myself up by reading old posts from our shared blog. I feel so sweet and nice coz I remembered how much he care and dote on me. So my mood was nice and I put up a nice attitude.
But after knowing that he didn't invite me over on his celebration when he invited his godsis, I felt so down, disappointed and sad. Like I'm not someone important in his life that is not worth being invited to the celebration. If he knew it's not a family affair, it will be ok adding one more person. Even the godsis is joining, why not me? My initial thinking was save $$ for him and meet tml. And if it's with outsider, it wun make a difference. But even though I told him how I feel, he did not invite me over. Yet having someone else.
Suddenly I feel so unimportant and foolish coz everything I do and think it's about him. I placed him as an important person in my life. I would wish that my family n him spend my important times with me together. It's ok if he chooses to seperate family n frends. But now frends n family are merged, why am I left out?
If I invite some friends and left u out for my important family gathering, even knowing u r free, how would u feel? I was ok nt going coz it's pure family event. But now it's not, he didn't bother inviting, so what am I?
I say so much only I read. He also dun bother reading my blog anymore. I think I drew a facde for me to believe in that's why I opened up again. I guess staying mum and not saying much is the best way to protect myself. Despite me treating him like my family, he does not treat me like his.
